The word trauma has a bad rep. Most people don’t want to identify with the word “trauma.” As a trauma therapist, I think it’s hard to be a human who doesn’t experience trauma though. The diagnostic manual defines trauma as exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence. The reality of trauma is more complex. As a trauma therapist, I see any situation that has altered how you see yourself, others, or the world as traumatic. This can be any event that has left you changed. These events can be big or small. Others can be aware of them, or no one else can know.
Some trauma therapists like to use big T trauma and little t trauma to describe the differences in trauma. Big “T” Trauma is those events we tend to think of as trauma; car accidents, sexual assault, military violence. Small “t” trauma events are more subtle; humiliation as a child, getting fired from a dream job, not getting emotional needs met in a relationship. Here is the example I typically use to illustrate how a small “t” trauma can have an impact. I’m in first grade and our class takes a trip to all use the bathroom. One of the stall doors is broken, so a girl in my class offered to hold the door. Mid-pee, she opens the stall door to the rest of my class. Is this a diagnosable trauma? Probably not, according to the DSM. Did it shift how my 6-year-old self thought about trust in the world? Absolutely.
It's imperative that we change the language around trauma. I think too many people are scared off by the thought of having trauma in their history. I like to think of it as a way to have deeper understanding of who you are, what got you where you are today, and what survival instincts have your learned along the way.
We’ve all experienced trauma in our lives. These life experiences have taught us about who we are in the world and how we survive. Without this language, we can feel stuck. We can be harsh and judgmental with ourselves, instead of embracing our lived experiences with self-compassion and understanding.
If you’re feeling suck in the world, I encourage you to explore your life experiences with a therapist. The only way to move through something is to feel it. Sometimes identifying our trauma is the first step in understanding ourselves and finding movement.